ALEX

I know I'm def. not thin but I'm know I will be someday!!

You're feeling: fat
To your left: treadmill
On your mind: food
Last meal included: oatmeal
You sometimes find it hard to be: happy
The weather: is hot and bright.. i don't like it!
Something you have a collection of:nothing
A smell that cheers you up: nothing!
A smell that can ruin your mood: cookies, my weakness
How many days since you last shaved: 2
The current state of your hair: messy, long, in a bun!
The largest item on your desk/ workspace (not computer): astrology book!
Your skill with chopsticks: okay
Which section you head first for in a bookstore: celeb. tabloids
Something you're craving: nothing
Your general thoughts on the presidential race:don't really care.
How many times you've been hospitalized this year: this yr, none.
Favorite place to go for a quiet moment: bed
You've always secretly thought you'd be a good: performer (anything on stage)
Something that freaks you out a little: going out in public
Something you've eaten too much of lately: food in general
You never want to: gain weight ever again.
Where is your cell phone? at the store
Your significant other? none.
You Hair? is nice and messy.
Your mother? at work. I love her.
Your father? working too.
Your favorite thing? loud music.
Your dream last night? my dog was in it.
Your favorite drink? ice cold water
The room you're in? living room
Your ex? meth addict lying freak
Your fear? fat
Where do you want to be in 6 years? 24, i dunno.
Where were you last night? home.
What you're not? thin, pretty.
One of your wish list items? to be thin, and have money.
Where you grew up? california
The last thing you did? pet my dog.
What are you wearing? black shorts and orange tee.
Your TV? WE
Your pets? Henry, my little yorkie.
Your life? what life.
Missing someone? my mom
Your car? don't have one
Something you're not wearing? socks
Favorite store? Forever 21
Your summer? isn't planned yet.
Like someone? nope, but theres a kinda hot guy i see around my neighborhood... he's eye candy but i don't like him.
Your favorite color? black
When was the last time you laughed? morning.
Last time you cried? Last night.

My body.. is not quite what I want it to be.. but i'm not gonna starve myself anymore. I've been lifting weights and running.. and i see a bit of improvement!! I hope to keep it up!! And see more improvement in the future!

I'm 18 and 5'2...

Well i'm not very happy... i've been eating alot lately... i'm trying to recover but it's hard... Okay enough self- pity!!

Wednesday= 30 mins cardio,workout abs, butt and legs
Thursday =rest
Friday= 30 mins cardio,same as above
sat. & sun.= gym
Monday= same as above

(_) I have never been drunk
(_) I never have smoked pot
(_) I never have kissed a member of the opposite sex
(_) I never have kissed a member of the same sex
(x) I never crashed a friend's car
(X) I have never been to Japan
(_) I never rode in a taxi
(_) I never have been in love
(_) I never had sex
(_) I never have had sex in public
(_) I never have been dumped
(_) I never shoplifted
(X) I never have been fired
() I have never cut myself on purpose
( ) I never have been in a fist fight
(X) I never had a 3-some
(_) I never snuck out of my parent's house
(_) I never have been tied up (sexually)
(X) I never been caught masturbating
( ) I never pissed on myself (there is a fine line here, I'm assuming this means on purpose)
(_) I never had sex with a member of the opposite sex
(X) I never have been arrested
(_) I never made out with a stranger
( ) I never stole anything from my job
(X) I never celebrated New Year's in Time Square
(_) I never went on a blind date
(_) I never lied to a friend
(_) I never had a crush on a teacher
(X) I never celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans
(X) I never have been to Europe
(_) I never skipped school
(X) I never slept with a co-worker
(X) I never have been fisted and/or have fisted anyone
( ) I never have thrown up in a bar
(X) I never have purposely set myself on fire
( ) I never have eaten sushi
() I never have been snowboarding
(X) I never have been happy with myself
(X) I never have met a movie star
(X) I never had sex in a pool
(X) I never went to a prom
( ) I never bungee jumped
(X) I never have been to a pop concert
(_) I never have dated someone for over a year
(X) I never sold naked pictures of myself
(_) I have never been in a car accident
(_) I have never seen a dog naked. (HUH?? Aren't dogs, cats, and other pets naked by default??)
(_) I have never slept in the nude.
(_) I have never had a one night stand.
() I've never eaten cheesecake

I can't do this... I am seriously going crazy... i am obsessing about my calorie intake... again!! I always know how many calories i eat a day..but it's going crazy...this time!!! I keep undereating then overeating!!! It's a vicious cycle!! Okay so today i had Breakfast- Raisin bran cereal, Snack-banana and string cheese, lunch- turkey bacon sandwich with cheese, Snack yogurt, Dinner- parmesan chicken and small salad, that comes to 1500 calories which is fine cuz i exercise alot....but then.... i fucked up... i had three cookies like 400 cals =2000 calories... OMG.. i can't take it i'm FAT... i hate myself... and now i'm fat and single!!! Okay breathe.... how can i eat healthy... ???? I hate everything.... I hate men and i hate food and i hate me!! I really need to see my therapist..god i'm so stupid.. i'm never gonna look like eva longria or jessica alba.. i'm ugly why???/ .. ill be okay!!!

My Legs...( Their thin but I hate my inner thigh its wobbles)





My arms R okay.... I think




My huge stomach... no matter how thin my legs and arms r my stomach is always gross, as well as my big ass!!